and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
