Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
