So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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