the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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