He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize