Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize