I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
