can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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