I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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