I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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