His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
