this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
