My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
