mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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