dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
