Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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