Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
