The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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