Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
