how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
