just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
