He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You pole danced in your parka.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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