talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
