Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
