I think I died a long time ago.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
