What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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