i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
