New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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