Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
