gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
