I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
