Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
