what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
