I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
