Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize