Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
