She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
