So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
