apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
