READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
