Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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