i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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