Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
