Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
