Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
