so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
