he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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