Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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