Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
