Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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