Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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