dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
