I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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