I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
