We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He shit in the fireplace
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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