i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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